December 2011
16 posts
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Letter 6
Dear Dear Leader:
What changes to our Great & Venerable nation can we expect now that your father, our Peerless Leader & the Sun of Socialism, has been laid to rest?
- Your Humble Servant who Dreams of Basking in Your Perfect Light, Sunch’on DPRK
Dear Humble Servant who Dreams of Basking in My Perfect Light:
Thanks for writing in, my curious subject! First, for implying that ...
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Letter from a Non-Servant 2
Dear Dear Leader:
Do they know it’s Christmas in North Korea?
- A Wretched and Pointless Western Idiot
Dear Wretched and Pointless Western Idiot:
I asked my manservant, Jeff (formerly a Western idiot “journalist” who wandered into our country to “take pictures” and now serves me until he either dies or is buried alive with me), about this “Christmas.”...
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Letter 5
Dear Dear Leader:
I am the proud mother of three children, all of whom would gladly surrender their weekly allotment of gruel to Michael Jordan so that he might keep up with your athletic prowess. However, some days they just won’t listen to me. How can I get them to behave?
- Your Humble Servant who Basks in Your Light as the Sun of All People, Kaesong, DPRK
Dear Humble Servant who...
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Letter 4
Dear Dear Leader:
Is it true your father never pooped? How is this possible?!
- Your Humble Servant who would Walk Through Fire to Defend your Honor (babsnbambi)
Dear Humble Servant who would Walk Through Fire to Defend my Honor:
You are correct! My father, the Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love, never pooped. You dare to ask how this is possible? Those of us who are...
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Letter 3
Dear Dear Leader:
Who would win in a one on one game of basketball, you or Michael Jordan?
- Your Humble Servant who would fall on a Thousand Capitalist Swords for You (mikegaston)
Dear Humble Servant who would fall on a Thousand Capitalist Swords for Me:
I’m confused - who are Michael Jordan and I playing in this sporting contest? Michael Jordan and I would never be on opposing sides...
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Letter from a Non-Servant
Dear Dear Leader:
How is your lovely father doing? ;)
- A Capitalist Pig (jo-causse)
Dear Capitalist Pig:
I think this is intended as what you Western idiots call “sarcasm,” either that or you are profoundly stupid. My father, The Glorious General Who Descended From Heaven and the Ever-Victorious Iron-Willed Commander, was reascended into Heaven just a few days ago, so I think...
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Letter 2
Dear Dear Leader:
My family’s farm just got reappropriated by our good and honorable government to house the site of a new nuclear reactor. We currently don’t have enough food to get through the winter - please help.
- Your Humble Servant who Prostrates Himself at Your Blessed, Holy Feet, Manp’o DPRK
Dear Humble Servant who Prostrates Himself at My Blessed, Holy Feet:
Good...
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Letter 1
Dear Dear Leader:
What is electricity and how can I get it?
- Your Humble Servant in Effusive Love and Prosperity, Sinp’o DPRK
Dear Humble Servant in Effusive Love and Prosperity:
Thank you for your query - it only took eight weeks to get here by post! My manservant, Jeff, read it aloud to me and I laughed for hours. When studying in Switzerland, I learned all about where Western idiots...
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Greetings and Salutations, minions!
I know most of you are currently busy moaning, prostrating, slowly swaying, and beating your chests in the streets over the loss of my father and your Dear Father, Kim Jong-Il. For those of you who are “taking five” from the mourning ceremony, I’d like to introduce you to my new campaign for a kinder, gentler supreme command. Rest assured: nothing has changed, but I will now be...