Office by Alex Penny
Dear Dear Leader:
I am the proud mother of three children, all of whom would gladly surrender their weekly allotment of gruel to Michael Jordan so that he might keep up with your athletic prowess. However, some days they just won’t listen to me. How can I get them to behave?
- Your Humble Servant who Basks in Your Light as the Sun of All People, Kaesong, DPRK
Dear Humble Servant who Basks in My Light as the Sun of All People:
Congratulations on producing three expendable soldiers for the Revolutionary Cause! I look forward to adding them to my list of military assets when they reach the mandatory enlistment age of 10. : )
If your spoiled brats are not complying with your wishes now, you have two options:
1) Send them to work at one of our many glamorous tungsten mines! Their safety records are excellent: only between 10-100 workers die per day - usually of asphyxiation. LOL!
2) Do what my father did - pit each sibling against the other in a vicious power struggle and see who comes out alive! This process will reward the most clever and resourceful of your children, which is the one you’d want to keep anyway. :D
Lastly, your children’s offering of gruel to Michael Jordan is offensive. They, like all good minions, should know that demigods only consume endangered tiger meat and Gatorade. Please tell them to stop being idiots immediately or I’ll send my military guard to arrest them (I think I just came up with option #3!!!).
