Dear Dear Leader

Dear Dear Leader:

I am a dedicated worker at your prolific and powerful Ryu Kyong-su Tank Factory. It is an honor to serve you and the Motherland through my work, but, Dear Leader, I have to walk nearly 13 kilometers to get to work each day and my one pair of standard-issue unification shoes have nearly worn through. I deferentially ask if it would be possible for more cars to be made available to steadfast comrades like myself?

- Your Humble Servant who would Walk Through Fire to Defend Your Sacred Name

Dear Humble Servant who would Walk Through Fire to Defend My Sacred Name:

Thank you for your letter - it made my day … until Jeff told me you weren’t joking. My father, the Great General and Guiding Sun Ray, warned me that this generation of comrades was growing weak with its incessant want for things like “food” and “less torture.” Perhaps I should raise the minimum work day from 17 to 18 hours to teach you a lesson? LOL!

Instead, I will answer your question. Contrary to whatever Western propaganda you’ve heard, the DPRK is currently the only country in the world that produces functional cars - any other “car” you may have seen was likely a painted piece of cardboard or a hologram. With this knowledge, you can understand why I cannot make more cars available - if I’m going to make our South Korean enemies pay for their “thrice-cursed crimes” (TM Kim Jong-Un, 2012), I need tanks!!! What else do you expect me to ride around in during our daily military parades - a Pyeongwha?  Gross!  : I